Option #2: Go Alone

You can avoid having to deal with leave issues by planning to attend things without your spouse. When I asked for and was granted days off from my civilian employers, those days weren't taken back. I always knew I could make plans for myself and they wouldn't fall through.

Going without your spouse poses its own dilemmas. Just today I met with an old high school friend and her family and it was just me. I felt the way I often do in these situations, like I had to somehow prove the existence of my happy marriage or my comfortable life. That was probably unnecessary. While struggling to catch up on our lives over the last 12 years and trying to corral toddlers and pre-schoolers, we didn't need to wast time justifying our family choices at all.

I am happy with my husband and hope that I can express that without him there. It's not easy to be alone. He may be having a tougher time missing celebrations than we have celebrating without him. I don't deign to speak for someone else.

Things to consider when going alone: will the expenditure for the solo trip affect your family's bottom line, can you cope with your kids for specified period without your partner, will your partner starve to death without you there. These are the important questions to answer, not "how do I show my happy marriage without my happy spouse."

Family Time

I was absent from the blog this weekend to spend time at an impromptu family reunion and a trip to a cultural festival with extended family.

Over the weekend I was confronted with the reality that I would miss another important wedding because of our family's military service. My favorite author on military spouses, Jacey Eckhart, says that we should make every effort to attend every extended family event. We have missed both of our best friends' weddings, and 5 cousins' weddings in the last 4 years. I have attended numerous events alone or with our daughter and felt like people weren't ever going to know my relationship with my husband,or my husband for that matter.

This week I plan on exploring the options enlisted families have for these family events.

And Baby Makes Three

When my husband asked me to marry him, I don't think he was sure it would be alright to bring children into the mobile lifestyle of the military. I assured him that I had moved around as a child and turned out okay. As long as our family stuck together, we would raise happy, well-adjusted individuals.

Today I had a conversation with my mom which made me question my assurance. I told her how much I hoped our kids would fit in and how much I felt like I couldn't fit in growing up. I became so emotional about the alienation I felt that I almost cried then and there. I left high school and home over 12 years ago and I can still bring up those negative feelings as easily as if it was today.

Our kids will grow up around other military kids. It stands to reason that they will have plenty in common with the children they see in school and in our neighborhoods. I'm sure all will be fine.

I need to keep reminding myself of how well adjusted I am.