When my husband asked me to marry him, I don't think he was sure it would be alright to bring children into the mobile lifestyle of the military. I assured him that I had moved around as a child and turned out okay. As long as our family stuck together, we would raise happy, well-adjusted individuals.
Today I had a conversation with my mom which made me question my assurance. I told her how much I hoped our kids would fit in and how much I felt like I couldn't fit in growing up. I became so emotional about the alienation I felt that I almost cried then and there. I left high school and home over 12 years ago and I can still bring up those negative feelings as easily as if it was today.
Our kids will grow up around other military kids. It stands to reason that they will have plenty in common with the children they see in school and in our neighborhoods. I'm sure all will be fine.
I need to keep reminding myself of how well adjusted I am.
Showing posts with label Military Moves. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Military Moves. Show all posts
Friday, August 29, 2008
Wednesday, August 20, 2008
More About Gossip
I think some of you may be interested to hear of my experiences with on base living.
I'm going to tell you all exactly why my family moved off base after James got orders last year, even knowing that we'd only live there for six months.
Barksdale was in the process of transitioning to privatized housing and we were hearing a lot of promises and rumors. I was already feeling bad for agreeing to move into the house we lived in for a year and a half. I asked if we would be allowed to move to newer housing in the near future and the community liaison told me that new houses would be more than a year away. We were being asked to sign a year long lease on a house that was driving me up the wall already.
After my conversation with the housing man, I spoke with other women who I assumed were my friends as well as neighbors. One is always supportive of me. One is sort of cagey. The third, who I thought was a friend, tore me down emotionally to a point where I can barely think of her without tearing up. It was this, feeling like I didn't have the friend I thought I had, that made me decide I couldn't stay in the hostile atmosphere of base housing.
I already dealt with a neighbor who told vicious lies about myself and my relationship with my husband. My husband negotiated working with someone hostile because of lies told by an unfriendly neighbor. I was not going to live right there with someone who, under the guise of friendship, could not understand my good intentions and positive attitude for it's face value.
I'm going to tell you all exactly why my family moved off base after James got orders last year, even knowing that we'd only live there for six months.
Barksdale was in the process of transitioning to privatized housing and we were hearing a lot of promises and rumors. I was already feeling bad for agreeing to move into the house we lived in for a year and a half. I asked if we would be allowed to move to newer housing in the near future and the community liaison told me that new houses would be more than a year away. We were being asked to sign a year long lease on a house that was driving me up the wall already.
After my conversation with the housing man, I spoke with other women who I assumed were my friends as well as neighbors. One is always supportive of me. One is sort of cagey. The third, who I thought was a friend, tore me down emotionally to a point where I can barely think of her without tearing up. It was this, feeling like I didn't have the friend I thought I had, that made me decide I couldn't stay in the hostile atmosphere of base housing.
I already dealt with a neighbor who told vicious lies about myself and my relationship with my husband. My husband negotiated working with someone hostile because of lies told by an unfriendly neighbor. I was not going to live right there with someone who, under the guise of friendship, could not understand my good intentions and positive attitude for it's face value.
Monday, August 18, 2008
A New Direction
I haven't gotten a lot of feedback. Admittedly, I haven't posted nearly what I need to be successful. I would appreciate any feedback telling me what my readers are interested in knowing. I was going to just give bullet points and step by step instructions on the PCS, but I'm finding people aren't nearly as interested in the subject as I am.
I'm really going to try to post every day this week.
I'm really going to try to post every day this week.
Tuesday, August 5, 2008
The Command Giveth and The Command Taketh Away
The first time in my military marriage that we were given orders was a pivotal point in my life. I had, that very day, accepted a promotion at the public library. It took me 9 months to find this job. The job I felt fit me.
My husband called with the "guess what" good news, I told my new boss that I guess I would be formally turning down the position in print the next day and I went home to celebrate the fact that our orders were to a base we had requested.
That night we ate dinner at one of our favorite places and celebrated.
The next morning, earlier than we would usually receive phone calls, we heard from my brother-in-law. I knew when the phone rang that it was bad news. My mother-in-law had passed away.
Her illness was the reason we requested the move in the first place. Now our move was canceled.
I went to my new boss, hat-in-hand, and asked if the position was still mine for the taking. Thankfully, she said yes. I held that job for two good years and I was happy.
I use this story to illustrate the transience of those elusive orders. It is a true story. In one 24 hour period I thought I had the perfect job, had lost the perfect job, but had the perfect move, then lost the perfect mother-in-law and the move, but had my job back.
Good luck!
My husband called with the "guess what" good news, I told my new boss that I guess I would be formally turning down the position in print the next day and I went home to celebrate the fact that our orders were to a base we had requested.
That night we ate dinner at one of our favorite places and celebrated.
The next morning, earlier than we would usually receive phone calls, we heard from my brother-in-law. I knew when the phone rang that it was bad news. My mother-in-law had passed away.
Her illness was the reason we requested the move in the first place. Now our move was canceled.
I went to my new boss, hat-in-hand, and asked if the position was still mine for the taking. Thankfully, she said yes. I held that job for two good years and I was happy.
I use this story to illustrate the transience of those elusive orders. It is a true story. In one 24 hour period I thought I had the perfect job, had lost the perfect job, but had the perfect move, then lost the perfect mother-in-law and the move, but had my job back.
Good luck!
Friday, July 25, 2008
The Day You Have Orders
The day your spouse tells you he or she has orders your brain goes ten directions at once, or you freeze dead in your tracks. Where to begin the planning and moving? The answer is long and varied, but the Airman and Family Support Center is where I began. They didn't have all the answers. They pointed me to a few books, apologized that they weren't currently running any sort of relocation seminars and wished me good luck. I left with the pamphlet sized books and a web address in my hand. I headed from there to Finance to find out some specifics about the money involved in our move.
I have heard rumors of people manipulating the system and making money, others manipulating the system and getting caught, while still others play it by whatever is on the books at the time of their PCS. The rules change regularly. If you don't want to worry about getting into trouble, ask to see the written regulation.
I found out that no matter where we went between our current duty station and the coming one, we received the current duty station's housing allowance until we checked into the new place. That was interesting to me only because I had heard fairytales of living with family, collecting higher housing rates, and reuniting with your spouse with a full bank account. From what I read in print, these stories can only be urban myths. The government hasn't left many loopholes for us to accumulate extra money.
Now, everyone should know that until the physical orders are in the military member's hands, there isn't much anyone can do to plan the move. Thus, despite the fact that you may know you're moving in 8 months, until they cut those orders, you're at your current base. Keep both feet planted there until you know your leaving. Things change without much reason sometimes.
I have heard rumors of people manipulating the system and making money, others manipulating the system and getting caught, while still others play it by whatever is on the books at the time of their PCS. The rules change regularly. If you don't want to worry about getting into trouble, ask to see the written regulation.
I found out that no matter where we went between our current duty station and the coming one, we received the current duty station's housing allowance until we checked into the new place. That was interesting to me only because I had heard fairytales of living with family, collecting higher housing rates, and reuniting with your spouse with a full bank account. From what I read in print, these stories can only be urban myths. The government hasn't left many loopholes for us to accumulate extra money.
Now, everyone should know that until the physical orders are in the military member's hands, there isn't much anyone can do to plan the move. Thus, despite the fact that you may know you're moving in 8 months, until they cut those orders, you're at your current base. Keep both feet planted there until you know your leaving. Things change without much reason sometimes.
Thursday, July 24, 2008
The PCS
Many books are out there to help families with the move, the permanent change of station, PCS. I read them. They don't always help with the reality of that day, time, period when your family is trying to deal with the move. We all struggle. Communicating with our spouse is difficult enough because we don't happen to share a brain, but to communicate with our spouse, the old command, the new command, movers, packers, children and friends and family can drive one to a nervous breakdown. Over the next few days I will post different tips for saving our sanity while acknowledging the great resources that the world has given us. Some you may decide to throw away today, others may become your roadmap to the military world.
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