Long Times Apart

I've been forced to think about spending extended periods of time away from my chosen partner in life so much more than I thought I would in an ordinary, committed relationship.

As a military spouse, it's not just deployments we deal with. Sometimes it's weeks of twelve hour shifts, or spouses switched to odd shifts, other times it's trainings at far away bases for 2, 3, or 6 weeks.

Recently, a marine was upset that, just after a 7 month deployment away from his baby, he was going to have to "deploy" for 3 weeks to another base. I said, "you mean TDY?" He said, "what's a TDY?" If the different branches have different ideas about what their job descriptions are, how are we supposed to understand how to support each other? Do the various branches really want to support each other? I hear lip service to support in public, good natured ribbing of each other, and then I hear muted grumblings about each other under their breath. Perhaps we don't understand each other like I thought.

Option #3: Manipulate for Leave

When I met James in 2003 he had just returned from a deployment. He proposed in June and we began planning our wedding for the next June. I was just trying to be the pius and calendar sensitive bride in my planning. I didn't realize that this would be time for his next deployment.

In December of 2003 I began my annoying campaign. This can be a very sensitive route to choose. I spoke with the commander about how I needed my wedding and the reservations were set. My whining could have easily put James on the list to deploy right away, rather than kept him as an alternate, available to take leave for our wedding.

I was able to have my wedding, with my husband by my side, thankfully. Perhaps we should figure out the best way to manipulate leave to our advantage? Let's consider this question this week.

More About Gossip

I think some of you may be interested to hear of my experiences with on base living.
I'm going to tell you all exactly why my family moved off base after James got orders last year, even knowing that we'd only live there for six months.
Barksdale was in the process of transitioning to privatized housing and we were hearing a lot of promises and rumors. I was already feeling bad for agreeing to move into the house we lived in for a year and a half. I asked if we would be allowed to move to newer housing in the near future and the community liaison told me that new houses would be more than a year away. We were being asked to sign a year long lease on a house that was driving me up the wall already.
After my conversation with the housing man, I spoke with other women who I assumed were my friends as well as neighbors. One is always supportive of me. One is sort of cagey. The third, who I thought was a friend, tore me down emotionally to a point where I can barely think of her without tearing up. It was this, feeling like I didn't have the friend I thought I had, that made me decide I couldn't stay in the hostile atmosphere of base housing.
I already dealt with a neighbor who told vicious lies about myself and my relationship with my husband. My husband negotiated working with someone hostile because of lies told by an unfriendly neighbor. I was not going to live right there with someone who, under the guise of friendship, could not understand my good intentions and positive attitude for it's face value.

Gossip on Base

I could speak to the obvious, but I'll just say that I probably won't live on base ever again. That said, I'm not talking about malicious personal gossip.
Often, when working, living and socializing with the same people, rumors start. They are not all bad. Some are filled with hope, like "the new base housing will be ready in six months," or "they're going to let all children, even those on Tricare Prime, see off base pediatricians." There are the bad ones, such as "the base is closing and our airmen will have to retrain or separate." All of these rumors have bad consequences. They make people scramble or set up unreasonable expectations.
Unfortunately, I've had to learn that I'll believe things when I see them. There is information that the military just isn't going to disclose with the civilians attached. The reasons for the closed mouths are reasonable and I've accepted that. More people are going to need to for tranquility on base to take hold. Do you think we can have peace on one little corner of the military world like base housing?

A New Direction

I haven't gotten a lot of feedback. Admittedly, I haven't posted nearly what I need to be successful. I would appreciate any feedback telling me what my readers are interested in knowing. I was going to just give bullet points and step by step instructions on the PCS, but I'm finding people aren't nearly as interested in the subject as I am.

I'm really going to try to post every day this week.

The Command Giveth and The Command Taketh Away

The first time in my military marriage that we were given orders was a pivotal point in my life. I had, that very day, accepted a promotion at the public library. It took me 9 months to find this job. The job I felt fit me.
My husband called with the "guess what" good news, I told my new boss that I guess I would be formally turning down the position in print the next day and I went home to celebrate the fact that our orders were to a base we had requested.
That night we ate dinner at one of our favorite places and celebrated.
The next morning, earlier than we would usually receive phone calls, we heard from my brother-in-law. I knew when the phone rang that it was bad news. My mother-in-law had passed away.
Her illness was the reason we requested the move in the first place. Now our move was canceled.
I went to my new boss, hat-in-hand, and asked if the position was still mine for the taking. Thankfully, she said yes. I held that job for two good years and I was happy.
I use this story to illustrate the transience of those elusive orders. It is a true story. In one 24 hour period I thought I had the perfect job, had lost the perfect job, but had the perfect move, then lost the perfect mother-in-law and the move, but had my job back.
Good luck!